There you are

Dear Joseph,

I can't believe you're turning four! I watched you ride your bicycle today and my mind began to wander...

Just a few minutes ago, Mrs. Judy handed your tiny body over to me outside the operating room. I had been frightened, confused, and lonely, but there you were. I had been told you were gone, then told you were here and your Mom was gone, then told I would have to choose between the two of you, but there you were. Right outside the room where doctors were still fighting to keep your Mom alive. I was worried about her, but there you were.

We walked briskly to the elevator - you, me, and Mrs. Judy - and there you were. Nana and Pop looked on from a safe distance, and there you were. Mrs. Judy pressed a button, then gently lifted back a fold in the bundle I was carrying, and there you were.

I stared at your little pug nose, bruised and battered from the rough ride you had taken, and there you were. I felt around the bundle for your fingers. Couldn't get a grip, but there you were. I noticed a foot sticking out of the blankets, covered it but you kicked right out - there you were! We stepped off the elevator and into the NeoNatal Intensive Care Unit, and there you were.

I tried to comprehend what had just taken place, but couldn't keep up. Still - there you were. Mrs. Judy had me lay you down on a special bed, where nurses and doctors surrounded your body. I couldn't see you at all. Someone moved just a bit...and there you were.

I was asked to leave as they poked and prodded, adding needles, IV's, monitors, and oxygen masks. I wanted to hold your hand, wanted to hug you close, wanted to count your fingers and toes. But I couldn't see you for awhile. Still, that brief trip up the elevator had given me confidence in the NICU, and I knew...there you were.

I returned to the waiting room, where sat Nana and Pop...and I cried. I prayed, we prayed together, Nana and Pop and me...and there You were. The doctors came in with updates on Mommy, and I was scared, but I knew...there You were. Grandma and Papa and Aunt Lindsey arrived in a rush, we were there all together, but I wanted to be with you. Still I knew...there You were. I had prayed three times, and You had answered. I was still scared, still worried, still feeling confused and lonely, but...there You were.

Later the doctors returned with updates on you and Mommy. There was good news, and there was bad news. There was mostly uncertainty. I excused myself from Grandma and Papa, stepped into the bathroom, and I cried. And there You were. I prayed for strength, I prayed for courage, I prayed for guidance, I prayed for Your presence. And there You were.

By lunchtime, about 12 hours after we arrived at Huntsville Hospital, I was able to sit in a room with my wife. I had visited the NICU at least 4 times already, with Mrs. Judy comforting me each time I saw her. I asked about my Joey, and was allowed only a distant glance. Still...there you were. And there You were.

Joseph, you are a fighter. You fought hard to stay alive and God allowed you to win. And there you were. For the next several days, for what seemed like an eternity...there you were. As Mommy improved and God once again proved His mercy, there you were. Mommy was released and we travelled home without you. A scary feeling, leaving my little baby boy in the hospital all by himself. But there You were.

We visited daily, several times a day, and there you were. We changed diapers somedays, other days we simply stared at you, but there you were. We held your hand and you gripped tight one day...THERE you were!

Things began to improve with our little Joey...and there You were!

We moved to the progressive side...there You were! We gave you baths, held you in our arms, cried over you and prayed over you and rejoiced over you...even boasted over you...because there you were. And there You were.

Joey, you can guess the rest of the story. We brought you home and you are now healthy and happy, no one even remembers the trauma. But you and I do. We both know because...there you were. And we Both know because...there You were.

As I finish writing this, I look into your bedroom. There you are. You are sound asleep in too-little pajamas with your Lovie clutched in your arms, but there you are. Your snoring makes me giggle, because there you are. Your little brother rolls over in his own bed and I know I need to leave before he wakes. There you both are.

I stare at ny healthy boys, one turning 2-1/2 and the other turning 4 and I know, without a doubt, no questions. God, there You are!

Happy Birthday Sunshine! And thank you God for being there with us, every step of the way.

Love,
Daddy